Where Am I?

The beautiful ones are who make the rules,
The rich and powerful evil come down shrill on us
They hustle us back and forth to make their days well,
Captured underneath the giant hand that weighs down on the weak ones

Take it in stride is no friend of mine,
How are you to shrug off what eats you alive?
How can someone just take your life and run,
Take it to hell, no heaven to dream of, nothing for us to strive

Though our endeavors can be so rewarding, so fun to play and mess with
Yet they can be fatal to one who cannot breathe under his smashed space,
Under his own discretion to choose just one out of this human race,
Out from under the cold, into the heat, his face now a disgrace

He was sent from a warrior, though he doesn't know his own strength
He is so intelligent and creative with a gorgeous babyface
Thick dark hair and a favorite laugh, the blood color of his eyes seeping into yours
You'll feel nothing but hatred of love and fall deep within false faith

But he will not be able to rid of how you feel,
You think what you're feeling now is real
But that can't be so when your crawling just to catch a glimpse,
Just one touch, don't slip, you will never be able to heal

Feel the hold he has over you, it's amazing and untrue
He has you tied around his finger, not let to linger,
But let to cut off circulation and to bleed heavily, can't disobey you
Bleed until nothing is left but the substance of his injected love , bigger and thicker

Now you're on the table, you're down in the basement
The basement that has your eyes wide, lit up with passion and sheer fright
You can't get out of this new mad world
You're down there now where souls no longer lie

Picture the bright white lights, they pierce into you even though your eyes are cloudy
Even if you heavy lids were to open, the cornea no longer existing
Take a second and feel the ice cold stainless steal on your dry white flesh
You're naked and under the hands of him, no missing life, no more predicting

For you are in his control now; the blood starts to drain
You feel you're system shutting down, your body losing control
What is this insane sensation of being emptied
What is going on, the pressure is obsessive and you're losing the shape of your mold

Set on this earth once to live a full life, try your best and create happiness
Now you're no longer your own self, giving it all up now, it's being ripped away
Wrists tied to a metal tray, ankles latched onto thin steal poles
Where were you just yesterday, this all too unfamiliar today

The pressure is now letting up in parts, now becoming worse in others
You feel more fluid push through you, every inch is being filled
Your closed eyes glance over to see all your blood, all of you, sitting in a jar
But the empty feeling is over, and you feel new, nothing left to be spilled

How do I feel this way when all of me was taken out today?
Down here in this bright room, for I forgot what I was supposed to be doing…
If this is where I lie, shouldn't I be in a dark burning hot area
Shouldn't I be seeing a light at the end of the brick tunnel

Am I done here? Now can I leave? He seems to have stepped back away from me
His rough fingertips and piercing eyes examining my body
Do I have an admirer or just a stalker, does he care about me, will he go further
I have lost all sense of self and awareness, hope and thoughts are diminishing

The new fluid is rare, how have I not had this before
Now I feel my body being tossed around
Now I can hear the crackle of the plastic
I can tell this will be my new shroud

Where am I now, where is that dedicated man
And where is my husband, where are my children
It's like I just have forgotten everyone,
Why does no one care where I am at today, no calls or screams,
Nothing to track me down, now all I have is my dreams

They are consuming me, they seem so real and like such mistakes
Now I am alone in this room, don't need to double-take,
I can't move my head! It's so heavy and stiff
I have no control over any of me, I want to die, I want to dive off a cliff

Who would want to live like this? And just when the thoughts enter my mind,
Everything flows back out, as though I have no brain
As though I actually don't care anymore,
What is all of this; I hear voices

They're mucky and so unclear, I want to turn my neck, open my eyes
Who are all of these people in black disguise
What happened to fashion, where did her sense of self go
They're all parading around like someone's demise

The scent of these flowers seem all too familiar, if I can't smell them how do I know they're there
There! I heard my baby girl, I am sure that was her,
But why is she crying, it's ok baby, momma's right here
No need to be sad, just come give me a kiss, come over here to me box, come near

The rumbling and tumbling and shaking of my body, where are you taking me?
I don't want to ride in that; I'm not insured for that type of car
Now straps again? I won't go far
Stop covering me, now I can't see,
I have no idea where I am now, and, it's hard to care, actually

Cover me with life, not with this earthly dirt blanket
I don't want this destiny. Wait! I am not finished!
Was I really this bad? I can be better, I swear this time I will try!
Please God please, let my 29 year old soul stay alive!

Poem by: Valerie Gollier
Photo by: Deep-Six